W5
HIGH SCORE🏆
Time Ticklers led the league this week with an impressive 183pts
BOTTOM OF THE PILE😬
It wasn't the finest week for Club Party Team Squad, who was left in the dust with a lowly 80pts
BRAGGING RIGHTS💪
Time Ticklers blew out Dumpster Fire by 76.79pts (182.66pts to 105.87pts)
BAD BEAT🤕
The Jellyfish Collector lost to The Fugees by a razor thin margin of just 0.95pts! Keep an eye on those stat corrections... 😰
LUCKY BREAK🍀
the griddy comittee finished 3-8 in all-play this week, but still came away with the win
NOT SO LUCKY...😡
The Jellyfish Collector had a 8-3 all-play record, but still ended up taking the L
SHARP-SHOOTER🎯
It's time to wonder if Dumpster Fire can see the future (or got a hold of Biff's sports almanac), as they nailed this week with a perfect 100% accuracy score 🔮 💯
WAIVER WIRE GEM💎
Tip your cap to The Fugees. They scooped up Matt Gay from the waiver wire this week, who helped them secure that all-important win!
It’s Week 5, and as the season gets into full swing, the cream is starting to rise to the top. The 49ers manhandled the Cowboys, while the Eagles notched a win against the Rams.
On the more pathetic side of things, Broncos Country took another embarrassing loss to future Hall of Famer Zach Wilson and the Jets, as the Panthers are quietly turning in a perfectly imperfect season so far, falling to the Lions to get to 0-5.
But the biggest news of the week didn’t come from the gridiron after all. As usual, the biggest movers in the Fantasy Football landscape came from….you guessed it…Applebee’s.
In a long-awaited move, ‘Bee’s has announced, via some really subtle commercials, that the Dollarita is back! The best thing you can do for your league is to call the GM at your local Bees, see if they're willing to reconsider their lifetime ban on your leaguemate Greg, and try to snag reservations for next Sunday. It’s the best margarita George Washington can buy, so be an American, and secure your table today.
Weekly Awards
Awesome Team, great QBs
Worst Management 76.0% of possible points scored
Dumpster Fire
Best Management 100.0% of possible points scored
Time Ticklers
Comeback Kid +57.52 points vs last week
Time Ticklers
High Score 182.66 points
Club Party Team Squad
Hindenburg -62.58 points vs last week
Club Party Team Squad
Low Score: 80.50 points
This week, we were all witness to a true clash of the titans. Red Sox vs. Yankees (not this year). Patriots vs. Colts (early 00s. Not this year). Evander Holyfield vs Mike Tyson (The first fight, since as far as we know, nobody lost an ear. Also not this year). The Cheesecake Factory vs. Anywhere Else That Serves Cheesecake. And now joining these epic rivalries is Time Ticklers vs. Dumpster Fire. After an epic struggle, Time Ticklers emerged from the haze, bruised and bloodied, to get the win by a margin of 76.79 points. For their effort, Dumpster Fire gets…a loss. Same as any other loser in the league this week. Life’s cruel sometimes. Cheer up, Dumpster Fire, scroll down to check out the Power Rankings to pick up your moral victory.
Week 5 Matchups
Blowout & Slugfest
Time Ticklers
182.66
Dumpster Fire
105.87
Nailbiter
The Jellyfish Collector
134.22
The Fugees
134.17
Pillowfight
the griddy comittee
110.81
Club Party Team Squad
80.50
-- others not meriting awards --
Big Dickson Energy
145.63
Asterisky Business
--
112.04
Tommy Pham Was Right
132.37
Awesome Team, great QBs
116.64
--
My Kupp Runneth Empty
118.66
Team Butt
96.38
Another week, another set of Fantasy Genius power rankings. Power rankings are somehow designed for both sore winners and sore losers. They give Tommy Pham Was Right the data to back up how much better they are than everyone else in this league (something we all knew in our hearts already). And whoever has a better power ranking than actual ranking (we didn't bother checking, because it doesn't really even matter) can argue the case that their team has been the victim of bad matchup luck. Fantasy Genius: your partner in enabling the worst instincts of all types of league trash-talkers.
Fantasy Genius Power Rankings
Power Rank
Team
1
Tommy Pham Was Right
Power Record: 49-6
Record: 5-0
2
The Fugees
Power Record: 42-13
Record: 4-1
3
Awesome Team, great QBs
Power Record: 37-18
Record: 4-1
4
The Jellyfish Collector
Power Record: 34-21
Record: 3-2
5
Asterisky Business
Power Record: 28-26
Record: 2-3
T6
Time Ticklers
Power Record: 26-29
Record: 3-2
T6
Club Party Team Squad
Power Record: 26-29
Record: 2-3
8
Big Dickson Energy
Power Record: 23-31
Record: 2-3
9
My Kupp Runneth Empty
Power Record: 18-37
Record: 2-3
10
the griddy comittee
Power Record: 17-38
Record: 3-2
11
Dumpster Fire
Power Record: 16-39
Record: 0-5
12
Team Butt
Power Record: 13-42
Record: 0-5
Week 5 Stud 💪
DJ Moore
WR - Time Ticklers
+34 pts vs median WR
45 points
While the MVP of our hearts for this week is whichever Applebee’s Executive decided to bring back the Dollarita, we remain committed to designating an MVP who actually plays football. This week, that honor goes to DJ Moore. DJ Moore played an integral part in Time Ticklers’s victory over Dumpster Fire. Running into a buzzsaw is never a good feeling (we imagine), and unfortunately, that wasDumpster Fire's fate this week.
Week 5 Dud 👎
Mac Jones
QB - The Jellyfish Collector
-18.5 pts vs median QB
-1.6 points
You have got to feel bad for The Jellyfish Collector. They work so hard all week, analyzing matchups, checking their astrological sign for any guidance on who to start at QB. And for what? To wind up with Mac Jones in their starting lineup, this week’s LVP. In a testament to what can be accomplished despite hideous mistakes, The Jellyfish Collector managed to overcome their lapse in GM savvy (spare us the excuses) to pick up the win over The Fugees. Are they a genius for amassing so much firepower on the rest of their roster? Or an idiot for starting this guy? The truth is likely somewhere in the middle.
All League Team - Week 5
Slot
Player
Points
QB
Justin Fields
Time Ticklers
32.98
RB
Travis Etienne
The Jellyfish Collector
34.40
WR
DJ Moore
Time Ticklers
45.00
TE
George Kittle
Time Ticklers
26.20
K
Ka'imi Fairbairn
Asterisky Business
16.30
DEF
PIT
Time Ticklers
24.50
Busch League Team - Week 5
Slot
Player
Points
QB
Mac Jones
The Jellyfish Collector
-1.60
RB
Clyde Edwards-Helaire
Team Butt
0.40
WR
Romeo Doubs
Big Dickson Energy
0.90
TE
Hunter Henry
Asterisky Business
0.00
K
Brett Maher
Awesome Team, great QBs
2.00
DEF
WAS
Awesome Team, great QBs
-1.00