W2
HIGH SCORE
Awesome Team, great QBs led the league this week with an impressive 148pts
BOTTOM OF THE PILE😬
It wasn't the finest week for Big Dickson Energy, who was left in the dust with a lowly 94pts
BRAGGING RIGHTS💪
Awesome Team, great QBs blew out The Jellyfish Collectorby 41.16pts (147.96pts to 106.8pts)
BAD BEAT🤕
the griddy comittee lost to The Fugees by a razor thin margin of just 0.78pts! Keep an eye on those stat corrections... 😰
SHARP-SHOOTER🎯
Take a bow, Team Butt. You led the league this week with a 98.2% accuracy score!
WAIVER WIRE GEM💎
Tip your cap to The Fugees. They scooped up Cameron Dicker from the waiver wire this week, who helped them secure that all-important win!
The fantasy gods giveth and the fantasy gods taketh away. Nick Chubb suffered yet another devastating knee injury which will sideline him for the season in all likelihood. Saquon Barkley tweaked his ankle and will be out for 3 weeks. If your faith was beginning to waver after those injuries, fear not. A star has been born. Puka Nacua has exploded onto the scene with two monster performances in the first two weeks. If you had him as WR2 before the season, shoot us an email -- we'd like to add you to our staff (pro bono of course -- this app is currently hemorrhaging cash at an unsustainable pace. Like all fake businesses, we can pay you in exposure).
By Week 2, the true colors of fantasy managers aren't set in stone but they're certainly starting to reveal themselves. Some are hard at work, tinkering and strategizing, while others... well, let's just say they're lost in the philosophical clouds. Take Big Dickson Energy, for example. They're trying to answer life's deepest questions, like: Why do they call 12 a dozen? What did it do to deserve its elevated status? How come other numbers don't have their own little names? Why not 47? Hell, even 34. They may never solve the mystery of clear number-bias on the part of the inventor of the English language (George Washington), but one thing's clear—Big Dickson Energy needs to redirect their focus. Because right now? They are pure trash.
Weekly Awards
Team Butt - Best Management - 98.0% of possible points scored
Awesome Team, great QBs - High Score - 147.96 points
Big Dickson Energy - Low Score - 94.03 points
The Jellyfish Collector - Worst Management - 74.0% of possible points scored
The Battle of Thermopylae (Spartans vs other group circa 800 AD -- or BC, I don't know. Ask a nerd.) had nothing on this week's clash between Time Ticklers and Team Butt. In an epic struggle, they racked up a Spartan-worthy 258.27 fantasy points. Unfortunately, just like the 300, Team Butt fought valiantly but couldn't claim victory. Great six pack on that guy though, goodness gracious. And he got to be with Cersei, so not all is lost.
Then we have the fantasy football version of Citizen Kane -- something we were all thinking was going to be great but in reality ended up being super boring. Congrats to Club Party Team Squad, who managed to eke out a win against Big Dickson Energy in a contest that could only be described as, well, uneventful. We're talking low-stakes, folks—more like those dorks playing "Quidditch" on the quad who can't even fly. Posers. (Don't come for me cinephiles -- I was joking about Citizen Kane. I personally enjoyed the 40 minutes of the movie I was awake for).
Week 2 Matchups
Blowout
Awesome Team, great QBs
147.96
The Jellyfish Collector
106.80
Tommy Pham Was Right
136.85
My Kupp Runneth Empty
110.89
Asterisky Business
134.64
Dumpster Fire
111.33
Slugfest
Time Ticklers
133.61
Team Butt
124.66
Nailbiter
The Fugees
129.44
the griddy comittee
128.66
Pillowfight
Club Party Team Squad
129.11
Big Dickson Energy
94.03
Week 2 Stud 💪
T.J. Hockenson
TE - Awesome Team, great QBs
+13.35 pts vs median TE
22.10 points
This week's MVP, T.J. Hockenson, went full Beast Mode on the league, racking up an incredible 22.10 points for Awesome Team, great QBs.Much like Marshawn Lynch in the 2011 playoffs, T.J. Hockenson carried Awesome Team, great QBs to a Week 2 victory, pushing people over like ragdolls before holding his junk going into the endzone.
Week 2 Dud 👎
Jimmy Garoppolo
QB - Dumpster Fire
-12.47 pts vs median QB
7.50 points
Our LVP, Jimmy Garoppolo, decided to take it easy this week. But let's call it what it was: a performance so uninspiring, it made "Eat, Pray, Love" look like an action thriller. For Dumpster Fire, starting Jimmy Garoppolo was the Fantasy Football equivalent of getting new Jordans and then immediately stepping in dog doo doo on your way to afternoon Zumba. Could have been a good day but this piece of doo doo ruined everything. This will surely be a week to forget, unless they want to use it as a lesson in what not to do.
All League Team - Week 2
Slot
Player
Points
QB
Daniel Jones
Big Dickson Energy
30.74
RB
Brian Robinson
Time Ticklers
27.90
WR
Keenan Allen
The Fugees
27.10
TE
T.J. Hockenson
Awesome Team, great QBs
22.10
K
Jake Moody
My Kupp Runneth Empty
14.70
DEF
DAL
Tommy Pham Was Right
16.25
Busch League Team - Week 2
Slot
Player
Points
QB
Jimmy Garoppolo
Dumpster Fire
7.50
RB
Breece Hall
Big Dickson Energy
0.90
WR
Zay Jones
the griddy comittee
0.00
TE
Hayden Hurst
Time Ticklers
3.50
K
Jason Sanders
the griddy comittee
5.00
DEF
NYG
The Jellyfish Collector
0.00
All right, give it up for Tommy Pham Was Right, who absolutely owns this league thus far Week 2. We're talking power rankings here so no chalking this up to luck. Their offseason research is paying serious dividends through week 2. We are talking Enron 1999 level dividends. Good luck to the rest of the league facing Tommy Pham Was Right the rest of the way.
Now, let's pour one out for Big Dickson Energy. At this point, we're not even mad; we're just... disappointed. It's like watching me try to go through TSA: helpless, embarrassing, pathetic —you can't help but feel a bit sorry for them. Keep your chin up; the season is young, and we're all rooting for you.
Fantasy Genius Power Rankings
Power Rank
Team
1
Tommy Pham Was Right
Power Record: 20-2
Record: 2-0
2
Awesome Team, great QBs
Power Record: 18-4
Record: 2-0
3
The Fugees
Power Record: 16-6
Record: 2-0
4
Asterisky Business
Power Record: 14-7
Record: 2-0
5
The Jellyfish Collector
Power Record: 12-10
Record: 1-1
T6
Club Party Team Squad
Power Record: 10-12
Record: 1-1
T6
My Kupp Runneth Empty
Power Record: 10-12
Record: 1-1
8
Time Ticklers
Power Record: 9-13
Record: 1-1
9
Team Butt
Power Record: 7-15
Record: 0-2
T10
Dumpster Fire
Power Record: 5-17
Record: 0-2
T10
the griddy comittee
Power Record: 5-17
Record: 0-2
T10
Big Dickson Energy
Power Record: 5-16
Record: 0-2